Drunk on immorality, valium and cherry wine

Sorry, kiddies. People make me angry, and even I had to go friends only. Comment to be added.

...maybe.

I had an awesome dream last night. Hobbes was alive, and I found a huge stash of money under the seat of my car. I woke up pissed off, and with a giant cold sore on my bottom lip. Hooray.

Obama's speech last night was quite moving. I'm still skeptical, since anything involving policies and new laws or money or pretty much anything with the government takes fucking FOREVER with all the haranguing back and forth and bickering about WHO'S GOING TO PAY FOR THIS and everything else that goes along with lawmaking. All I can say is that I'm really tired of falling through the cracks. I can't find work, so I can't get employee provided health insurance. Nor have I ever had it, due to the high cost. And because I am married and my spouse makes too much for me to qualify, I can't get government aid. Eric's health insurance is too expensive for us to add me to the plan. The cost for one individual isn't so bad-it's like $15-20 a week- but if you add anyone else, you get bumped to the 'family plan' and that is about $150 a week. So right now, I don't even have catastrophic insurance in case my appendix ruptures or I get hit by a semi or anything. Meanwhile, I've got a problem with my back that causes some seriously funky, intense pain that I can't get looked at, I need new glasses because mine are almost five years old, and I need dental work out the ass. None of this will be addressed until something with our health care changes.

My ability to get health care is not the only thing that is being affected. We tried to use the CARS rebate system to get a new car. We did not qualify, NOT because my jeep didn't meet the requirements or anything. No, it was because the person trading in their vehicle had to be the one getting the financing, and my credit is so bad that they would have laughed me out of the building if I even tried to, or I would have had such a laughable interest rate that it would have not been worth it.

And WHY is my credit so bad? Why, medical bills, of course! In the past seven years or so, I've had to go to the emergency room twice, a walk in clinic because I had an evil death flu, and an internal medicine doctor because I had PID. I could not pay any of these medical bills, of course, and so now they are ruining my credit. Add to that my mom taking out a couple of credit cards in my name when I was 19, and you see my dilemma. I've never even bloody USED my credit for my own benefit, save for buying my jeep, and it's pretty well destroyed.

I suppose I could have not gone to the walk in when I was sick, but my boss told me I better come back with a doctor's note stating that I was in fact too sick to work (I had to stay home on Black Friday, and they were REEEAAAALLYY pissed) or I wouldn't have a job to go back to. And I could've not gone in for PID, but I could have died from that. And I didn't NEED to go to the emergency room when my back was messed up, though the idea of not being able to sleep for days on end, writhing in utter agony was pretty unappealing. Or the time I went in because my heart was making a freaky, audible POPPING noise when it would beat...I mean, I must've not needed to go, because they didn't find anything wrong with me, even after an EKG. They were going to do more tests, but then I let slip that I was uninsured and broke, and suddenly I'm being discharged, with them telling me that they can't find anything, and it's probably nothing to worry about.

Does that seem right to you?

I'm tired of riding the 'it's not fair! woe is me!' horse here, but seriously, this really ISN'T fair. it's not fair to me, or anyone else that this happens to. When is it going to change? Do I need to find a way to move to France or Great Britain in order to be seen by a goddamned doctor? When can I go to the dentist to get my broken teeth fixed so I can smile again without thinking everyone is staring at me, looking at the missing teeth? when will I be able to say 'I don't feel right. I should go get checked out, just in case it's something serious' ? I've been to a gynecologist exactly ONCE in my life. Last I heard, you're supposed to do that every year, right? IT's been so long since I've had a physical that I don't even remember when the last one I had even WAS. I've even kicked around the idea of filing for divorce, strictly because then I would be able to qualify for government medical care. This idea is rather unappealing, as well.

When will I be able to relax, and know that if anything DOES happen to me and I need medical care, I'll be able to get it?

Yeah. Today is fired.

He's gone.

Hobbes is still hanging on, but he's pretty miserable. He won't eat or drink water, and the only thing keeping him hydrated is the subcutaneous fluids. He doesn't move around much, and he won't use the litterbox we put out here for him. Not that he's had any sort of bowel movement or anything-he's peed twice in since friday, and both times it's smelled wrong-like rotten fish. And now his abdomen is swelling. He looks awful.

Hobbes has been with me for ten years. The idea of not having him with me is very hard for me to come to terms with. With Zero, it was very quick, and he didn't appear to suffer. Hobbes is wasting away, slowly losing the ability to walk or even sit up. I thought he'd be with me for another ten years, being a grouchy weirdo like he's always been. I can't imagine what it will be like to not hear him wailing his Requiem of Solitude, as Eric calls it, and rubbing himself all over the wall when we're trying to sleep. Or having him jump up onto my shoulders when I least expect it. Or watch him stick his paw into my glass of milk to steal some, and stealing bits of scrambled egg by grabbing my fork. I don't know what I will do without him.

I don't think at this point that anything can be done for him. We're pretty damned sure that it's some sort of fast spreading lymphoma. I am not willing to put my cat though chemo, either. The idea of making him suffer through radiation therapy-I can't do that to The Kook. I think that I have to admit out loud that it is His Time To Go, and that I may have to help him do that.


Someone please tell me that I'm making the right choice.

Well, Hobbes' kidneys are ok, so it isn't renal failure like I thought it was. But bloodwork, urinalysis and x-rays have determined nothing more than his white cell count is high, red cell count is low, and he has a shitload of fluid in his abdominal area. The vets are thinking it's cancer, but they can't tell for sure. They wanted to have me take him to the emergency vet and have them put him on iv fluids, but we can't afford to. Instead, we have to give him 200cc of subcutaneous fluids twice a day.

His vet bill is already approaching $500, and we used our care credit card to pay for it. The card has a max of $500, so it's pretty well spent. They also want to do an ultrasound to see if there are any masses or tumors in his belly. The ultrasound is somewhere between $200-300, and then who knows how much treatment is, if he can even BE treated. The idea of putting The Kook through chemo is not appealing. I saw what it did to my grandma when I was little, and she was completely miserable. I don't want my cat to suffer like that. The problem is that I don't want to pick the euthanasia option unless I know it's something like cancer that can't really be cured. But he looks so unhappy. He's literally skin and bones. You can see the definition of each bone through his fur, and he's so weak and I don't want him to be like this. I'm at a loss. The vet was kind of snotty when we said that we couldn't do the IV fluids at the E-vet because of the expense. Like how dare we not choose the option we couldn't afford, just because it was the best. I wish I could just hand them a blank check and say 'Here. Make him better. I don't  care what it costs.' I feel like the most wretched, awful pet owner ever. I am responsible for the well being of Hobb, and I can't afford what he needs. I don't know if I should stick a donation button on here and ask for everyone I know to help me. I  know Eric's parents won't help us with this, because, as nice as they are, animals are just animals to them, and paying a large vet bill is not really an option to them. I'm at a total loss.

I posted something a couple of years ago about the dos and don'ts of flower buying. With Valentine's Day looming, and because I've added some new people since then, and there are a few things I would like to delve into a bit more deeply, so here is round 2. I highly recommend that you go back and read the full post. It's pretty damned informative, if I do say so myself.

First of all, I can't stress enough that unless you absolutely HAVE to give flowers on V-Day, skip them and just go the present route instead. Valentine's day is the single worst time of year to order flowers. And if you must give flowers, give something besides rose arrangements. Because of the enormous demand for roses, especially red roses, the supply is pretty pathetic. Roses that would normally never see the inside of a flower shop-flowers that are small, poorly shaped, smell funky or are even too old- will be in just about every dozen-roses arrangement that's sold. Dozen rose vases will be made days in advance, shortening the lifespan of the arrangement significantly. In short, the roses are simply not worth the inflated price you will pay for them. Yes, flower prices rise for valentine's day. So, you're paying more for something that's worth half as much. Also, place your order as far in advance as you can. If you call up the day before valentine's day...good luck.

But there are lots of other options if you do want to send flowers. Tulips, which can actually look much like a dozen rose arrangement, are fairly common this time of year. They are also cheaper. If you REALLY want to impress a girl, try sending something called a 'Dish Garden'. It's a basket with several potted plants in it, and as long as it's cared for, will live indefinitely. Include something in your card about how you wanted to give something that would continue to grow and thrive, as your love for her does. :-) Even a mixed arrangement will be more interesting to the florist than roses. We get bored with making vase after vase of roses, so something different usually gets a lot more attention.

I also can't stress enough that you should never, ever order flowers online from FTD, Teleflora, 1-800-flowers.com, or any of the big online floral sites. You can look at their picture galleries for ideas, but when you want to place your order, find a local florist and call them directly. Online floral networks are a middle man. They take orders, skim some of what you pay off for their fee, and then submit your order to florists in your area, who them skims more off because they have to pay to subscribe to the network, plus they have to apply some to the delivery fee. SO of the original sum of money that you paid X online site, only 3/4 to 2/3 or possibly even less are actually applied to your flowers. That means a smaller arrangement or a lot of cheap filler instead of nice flowers. It is always better to talk to your florist directly to get not only the best deal, but the best treatment and the nicest arrangement. If you send flowers directly, you can develop a repertoire with your florist, and they will usually keep a file on what you send, what the people you sent to favor in arrangements, etc. If you need to send flowers out of town, call your florist and ask for a recommendation for a florist in that city. And if you're ever unsure of what to send, leave it up to them. Give a favorite flower or color, and tell them 'I trust your judgement'. We love to hear that, and we'll spend way longer on your flowers than anyone else's.

If you want a trinket,like a stuffed bear or a basket of candy delivered along with your flowers, you can buy your own and leave it with the florist, or ask if they can deliver those as well. Most florists stock cards, candy, bath and beauty products...all sorts of stuff. Just ask about it.



( Here's the original post... )

I don't normally care to discuss politics. I vote, but other than that, politicians and their antics REALLY Piss me off. But you know what? I am really tired of voting for the 'lesser evil'.

There is something very wrong with this country. I know I am not the only one who sees it. And this feeling of not really being able to do a damned thing about is getting to me. I'm tired of feeling like we don't have a choice in who runs this ramshackle country we live in. This candidate is a douche bag, that one's a jackass. Members of the douche bag party threatening the jackass party, members of the jackass party trying to undermine the douche bag party. When does it fucking end, and when do WE get to pick who's in charge?

So, that being said, I'm going to try and make a point this voting year.

I am hereby nominating my cat, Hobb, for president.

No, seriously. When I go to vote, I am going to write him in. I am going to campaign for him.
And I'm hoping to rally enough people to do the same. Yes, it's completely absurd, but that's the point. I want to show our fabulous government that we would rather vote for a retarded, auststic cat than the candidates that we have been given.

Please, please help me do this. Send this to everyone you know. Tell people. Repost this in your own journals. Help me try to make a difference this year, or at least a stand.

If anyone would like to help me make some campaign posters or a nice website, I will be in your debt.

Made a bunch of updates to the wedding site. Go look!

www.momentville.com/brownwedding

Sign teh guest book! It makes me happy. :-p

Now that things have been cemented, I feel like I can finally start giving details about the wedding.

Date: August 23rd, 2008

Location: The Gazebo at Edmonds Park, edmonds, WA

Time:
Ceremony- 12 p.m. (this is subject to change, but more than likely will remain the set time)

Reception- 1 p.m., will be located in the picnic area

I would like to have a rehearsal sometime the day before, probably in the evening, followed by a rehearsal dinner somewhere.

This is not going to be a 'closed event'. I'm inviting every bloody person i know. Basically, if you can see this, you are invited and then some. Due to how fucking busy we're going to be, however, I will not be able to arrange transportation for you if you can't/don't drive. you will have to find your own ride.

The reception is going to be even bigger. In fact, if you would like to skip the ceremony and just come to the reception, that's more than fine. The gazebo isn't that big, and I don't want to overcrowd it. It's going to be combined with my family's yearly reunion, so it will be fairly casual, although I would like to encourage formal/semi formal attire. How often do we get to dress to the nines, huh? I will also encourage people to bring potluck or hors d'oeuvres style dishes for nibbling. There's gonna be a LOT of people there.

Reception after party:
Much like a rock star, the reception isn't going to be the end of the fun. After we're sick of schmoozing and dealing with family, we'll break to go get tarted up, and we're going to hit the Merc or The Noc for some booze and dancing. I am SO going dancing in my wedding dress.

I think I'm going to set up a wedding website like Manda did, to keep track of stuff.

Oh yes-Mandapants, where did you order your bridesmaid dresses from? If you had trouble at david's bridal, I might not bother with them, but I don't know where to go.

Eric: Why the fuck do I keep getting ringworm scales!? I don't want ringworm, dammit!

Eric: Oh, dammit. Now I have to go fight Homo Joe.

Jen: Who the hell is Homo joe?

Eric: I don't know, some gay-ass dragon.

As with most things on the internet garnering excess attention, This little video is getting itself around:


It's the '8 girls beating up 16 year old and posting on youtube' story. I've seen countless articles on it, news clips, commentary from cops, victim's mom, perpetrator's mom, etc. I've seen plenty of people vilify the kids who staged this whole shebang. I've seen enough to share my point of view and make my own comments known.

This is not some vile, horrific attack. this is not an unusual act. This is human behavior. This is the way we are. We are mean, thoughtless, and cruel to one another, especially in our younger years. That doesn't make it right, by any means, but it is most certainly not going to stop. Youtube, myspace, and other online networking/video sharing entities are NOT to blame. They did not make these kids go out and find someone to beat up. No, they woulda done that anyway. Youtube just gave them a way to share it with other people faster. it used to be that if you wanted to be mean to a person by ruining their reputation, you'd start a rumor about them. Pass around some incriminating photo. You'd talk shit about them, and your work would be done. Now, we log on to myspace and blog about how so-and-so is a bitch and a whore and how she's slept with the whole football team and how she has herpes. still the same idea, but the spread of information is accelerated and broadened.

People blame anything- the internet, violent music or video games, the media , anything and everything but themselves for acts such as this. WE are to blame. WE do it. And what's more, we LIKE it. Humans are carnal creatures. We like to fight. We used to fight for everything; food, shelter, clothing to stay warm. We fought animals that wanted to kill us. We fought disease. We fought each other for territory. Now we don't have to fight for survival anymore, but we still have the drive to do so. We have this immense pent up energy at our disposal so we can defend ourselves when the need arises. Nut when the need doesn't arise, we find other ways to use our energy.

I was the victim of several similar situations growing up, but does anyone care? No, and rightly they shouldn't. It's just a part of pecking order. If you fight back, they stop trying to push you down. You learn that fast, or you don't make it, and you stay on the bottom.

I watched a video interview with the victim's mom, and she talks about how her daughter will 'never recover emotionally' from this. YES SHE WILL. Believe it or not, she will get over it, and she'll be a stronger person for it. The human capacity for physical and emotional healing is amazing, and no one ever seems to utilize it anymore.

Our shock at witnessing acts like this comes not from our idea that 'We have advanced as a species, and we are beyond this now, so how could someone hurt someone this way?' but this inner realization that we are all, each and every one of us, capable of the exact same behavior, and our desire to ignore this knowledge drives us to shun the ones responsible for it. Out of sight, out of mind?

It upsets me that 8 kids ganged up on one and tried to beat her silly, but it upsets me just as much that she didn't even try to fight back. If someone had tried to beat me silly, you can bet that I'd be punching, kicking, clawing and biting all the fucking way. Then again, I embrace my animal side, and I love it dearly. It's a part of me. It's a part of us all. The more we try to push it away, the more we lose our ability to control it.

Will somebody PLEASE wipe Rachel Ray off the face of the planet?

WTF is up with spice drops? They all taste wrong!

*Dances like a tart*

wayren's comin to visit!

_harlequin_'s comin to visit!

ayewuvewe's comin to visit!

nder's comin to visit!

I'm so exited!

...andijustcan'thideit.

Eric: Come on! Why does he suck so bad?

Jen: Probably because he has the Red Ass.

Jen=1
Justin=o


I WIN!

The fact that I am watching InuYasha is SO not helping right now.

Why is it whenever I go to a party, everyone else ends up shit faced, and I'm barely drunk even though I drink more than all of them?

I have problem typing correctly sometimes.


The Safety's on old Betsy says:
OMG
The Safety's on old Betsy says:
HEY!
The Safety's on old Betsy says:
You is posed to be attentioning mehs!
@#$%! says:
I am!
@#$%! says:
Sorry, was checking someone else's shipping confirmation.
@#$%! says:
BUT I IS HERE NAO
The Safety's on old Betsy says:
STOP SHITTING THINGS
The Safety's on old Betsy says:
UH.
The Safety's on old Betsy says:
Er.
The Safety's on old Betsy says:
STOP SHIPPING THINGS
@#$%! says:
...
@#$%! says:
Wow.
@#$%! says:
I'll get right on that.
@#$%! says:
*stops shitting immediately*
The Safety's on old Betsy says:
can't breathe
The Safety's on old Betsy says:
Laughing so hard
@#$%! says:
Bahahahaha!